Giving voice to a father's unspoken thoughts

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ver so often, life reminds us of its fragility. We might be living longer but get less-abled as we age. As the risk of chronic conditions increases, the probability of events that can lead to varying levels of physical or mental disability increases, necessitating a network of care-giving support of different kinds and intensity in our communities.

With a one in four chance of getting a stroke at some point in one's life and one third of stroke survivors severely impaired, author Rima Pande's 'His Voice' (The Write Place) gives voice to a man who can do nothing but lie still on his bed, watching the world. It is a courageous and loving attempt by an adored daughter to record the terror of the paralysis, the slow coming to terms with the disability, and the impressions of the vast changes in life as days pass with hope, but no improvement.

This memoir is a daughter's journey to unravel her father's mind and capture the swirl of emotions coursing through it during the two tumultuous years when he was bedridden and unable to speak, thoughtfully dealing with a crisis where he has lost complete control of his life. His story switches between his life before and after paraplegia and weaves in itself vignettes of care, respect, relationships, love, and family life.

It's a sensitive portrayal of deep family roots and often unspoken bonds across four generations bringing to readers the story of her parents, her father's illness, and her powerful, giving mother.

"My father had two successive strokes within a month, leaving him paralysed and unable to speak or communicate in any manner. For two years, my mother served him, supported by amazing family, friends, and helpers. We stared at the constantly changing expressions on his face for clues — was he too hot, too cold, in pain, hungry, uncomfortable, attentive, tired, sleepy, somewhat happy? We searched for direction, pretending to understand what he would like us to do, doing it, then searching for an imperceptible nod of approval," says Pande, who juggled work, her own family and children in the US, and care-giving for her father back home.

The book gently focuses attention on the need for respect, resilience and realism in care-giving.

"Respect is the key - it is absolutely critical to maintain the dignity of a person who is in a helpless state. We need immense resilience – courage and compassion, as we work with what life throws at us. We also need to maintain a sense of realism, understanding that effort may not always yield the results one hopes for, but continuing, not giving up," Pande adds.

The book is also about relationships, "steadfast spousal commitment, the parent-child bond, and familial support. I hope to coax readers to pause, acknowledge and appreciate the key relationships in their life. I also hope they will think about how they view and interact with people who are not fully functional", the author says.

✔️ Giving voice to a father's unspoken thoughts

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